How do I know what's next for me?

The short answer: you usually find out what's next by testing, not by thinking harder. Notice which option keeps pulling at you, check it against what matters most to you, then try a short, low-risk version before you commit. Clarity tends to show up after you take a step.

Why it's so hard to see what's next

If you're asking this question, you're probably not short on ability. Most of the people I talk with are capable, caring and very good at what they do. They plan and organize for everyone else, and somewhere along the way their own direction got harder to see.

I think of life as a path through a forest. Paths need tending. Left alone, they fill in quietly with obligations, other people's priorities and years of pushing through. One day you look up and the path you were on is hard to find.

That isn't a sign you're behind. It usually means something else has been taking up the room.

Three doors that look alike from far away

From far away, a lot of options look the same. Up close, they tend to be one of three doors.

1. The door you want. It keeps pulling at you, even when no one's watching. Ask yourself: Would I still choose this if no one ever knew?

2. The "should" door. It looks good on paper and makes sense to everyone else. Ask yourself: Whose voice do I hear when I picture this door?

3. The easy door. It's familiar and close, and it doesn't ask much of you. Ask yourself: Am I choosing this, or just not choosing something else?

Try this: picture yourself walking through each door. Which one brings relief? Which one brings excitement, even with a few nerves? Relief often points to the easy door.

And sometimes the door you want is also the one that makes sense. The question isn't which label fits. It's whether you're the one choosing.

Check each door against what matters to you

Your values are what matter most to you about how you live: what you want your days to stand for. They're different from goals. A goal is something you finish. A value is something you keep choosing, a little at a time, in ordinary days.

When you're weighing a door, one question cuts through a lot of noise: Does this door move me closer to what matters most to me right now?

If you've ever made a pros-and-cons list and still felt stuck, this is often why. Nothing on the list had any weight. Your values give it weight.

You don't have to leap. Test the door first.

Big changes feel less daunting when you treat the first steps as experiments. Here are five low-risk ways to find out if a door is right for you:

1. Have one conversation. Talk with someone already on the other side. Ask what a regular week looks like, not just the highlights.

2. Try a short version. A weekend, a workshop or one project. Give it a start and an end date, so it's a test, not a commitment.

3. Learn before you leap. Take one class or read one book about it. Notice whether you want to keep going when it's over.

4. Borrow the schedule. For one week, spend a few hours the way you would on the other side of the door. How does that week feel?

5. Check your energy. After each test, ask: did this give me energy or take it? Your answer is information, not a verdict.

Ask someone who's already on the other side

Most people are glad to talk about the path they took. These five questions help you hear the real story:

1. Ordinary days. "What does a regular Tuesday look like for you?"

2. Surprises. "What surprised you, good or hard?"

3. Trade-offs. "What did you have to let go of?"

4. Hindsight. "What do you wish you'd known before you started?"

5. The next person. "Who else should I talk to?"

When the whole door feels like a lot, start with the handle

A change often feels overwhelming because we're looking at all of it at once.

• Shrink it. What's the shortest version of this door you could try in 30 minutes?

• Name the next step. Not the whole plan, just the next step. Write it down where you'll see it.

• Borrow a skill. You already plan, organize and follow through for everyone else. Which of those skills could you use here?

• Plan for your energy. Put your first step at the time of day you have the most energy. Your body is part of the plan, too.

Where you are decides where to start

• If you're just wondering: keep a running list of doors that interest you, and notice which ones keep coming back.

• If you're circling one door: try a short version of it, such as a weekend, a class or one conversation.

• If you're ready to move: choose one skill, relationship or habit to build toward it, and give it a start date.

• In every season: tend the energy and the body you'll carry through that door.

The real question usually isn't "Am I ready?" It's "What am I curious enough to try?"

The wait has a cost, too

I know this one personally. I kept my dream of a private coaching practice on the back burner for 10 years. There was always a reason to wait: a better time, or an easier option that might show up on its own.

I call this pattern the Easier-Door Wait: hoping a better option shows up so you don't have to choose. It comes from a good place. Waiting feels safer than getting it wrong.

One year into building Priority Self, here's what surprised me: sitting with the what-ifs was harder than doing the work.

A 10-minute door check

Set aside 10 quiet minutes and sit with these:

1. Notice. Which door have I been thinking about most this month?

2. Name it. What's pulling me toward it? What's holding me back?

3. Values. Does this door move me closer to what matters most right now?

4. The whole me. What will I need, energy and body included, to walk through it well?

5. One step. What's one thing I could do this week to look closer?

When it helps to talk it through

Some doors are easier to see with someone beside you. Priority Self coaching is the clearing: a place to step back, reorient around what matters and choose your direction, starting with what's already strong in you.

• The Ignite Session is a one-on-one session to name your top values and character strengths and choose one clear focus. Learn more →

• Not sure where to start? [Book a free discovery call] and we'll talk about the door you keep coming back to.

Frequently asked questions

How do I know if I'm ready for a change?

Readiness rarely arrives first. A better question is "What am I curious enough to try?" A short, low-risk test will tell you more than waiting to feel ready.

What if I want two different things?

Both can be true. You might want a new direction and also need to keep your current role for now. Try one step toward the new door that fits inside your current week.

Can a coach tell me what to do next?

Not in my approach. Coaching helps you see your options clearly and choose for yourself, using your own values and strengths. You do the choosing.

Is coaching the same as therapy?

No. Coaching isn't therapy or medical care, and it doesn't replace your doctor, therapist or care team.

Author bio: Lisa Shubin, M.S., NBC-HWC, ACSM-EP, is a next chapter coach and board-certified health and wellness coach who helps people reset and reorient around what matters, using values-and-strengths coaching, when they're choosing what's next. She is the founder of Priority Self.